 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Practice Tips
Perception is Reality
In three words, the largely accepted social axiom (“perception is reality”) implies an extremely important social norm—that for the purpose of social relationships, humans take what they believe to be true and substitute it for the actual truth. In our desire to be in-the-know, we tend to fill in gaps where we are missing information. This phenomenon results in a tendency to draw inferences and make assumptions about others—their beliefs, their character, and perhaps their work ethic. How might this perceptual tendency affect our ability to persuade or meet our clients’ objectives?
Of course, perception is a two-way phenomenon. Just as we might jump to erroneous interpretations and judgments of them, they might similarly misperceive us. Both threaten to compromise effective working relationships by distorting intentions and compelling reactions that are antagonistic to our ultimate goals. With this in mind, it is to our advantage to examine perception from two perspectives (theirs and ours), and to implement strategies for ensuring we have a true understanding of those with whom we interact. Similarly, we find advantages in doing what we can to minimize their misunderstanding or misperception of our motives, intent, and character.
Our Perceptions
Lawyers routinely express dissatisfaction with time pressures in today’s law practice. As a consequence, we move through our days methodically evaluating each situation or individual, looking for convenient, quick ways to compartmentalize situations, as well as the people involved in these situations. Once reduced to boilerplate templates, individuals and situations appear to call for obvious solutions and lead us down comfortable and worn paths: we’ve been here before. For example, an opposing counsel who refuses to grant an extension is an inconsiderate jerk and we look forward to being able to return the favor. We have foregone listening, wondering and learning.
This response on our part is an unconscious decision to forgo uncertainty and curiosity in favor of stereotypes and worst-case analysis (“better safe than sorry”). Now we run the risk of treating them accordingly; our next communication with them may reflect this lack of curiosity, and we unintentionally communicate in a way which invites a reciprocal response. Too often, this response is in alignment with our original interpretations and judgments. Our behavior will reflect to them an attitude, and more often than not, create in them an unwillingness to cooperate with us. With each return of the volley, we find them to be increasingly antagonistic and uncooperative, and they find us to be the same.
By taking responsibility for our behavioral and intellectual choices, we begin to construct a framework for diffusing the potential for misperception, and therefore the consequences which often result. By adopting and maintaining an approach of curiosity, we continue to be open to adjusting and updating our understanding of individuals and situations. One way we can do this by implementing a curiosity-basis to our questions. The phrase “Help me understand…” is a good example of a curiosity-based question. When approached with this phrase, people are empowered to assist by giving good information in return. When we have good, accurate information, we are more capable of being competent, effective attorneys.
Their Perceptions
Aristotle reminds us that our logic will fail to persuade if we have not firmly established two things: a) our credibility, and b) their passion. Both dictate a person’s willingness to cooperate. As it relates to credibility or trust, people generally trust us when they believe we care about them. The easiest way to establish care is to give another your undivided attention with an attitude of curiosity and listening. This is not always easy for attorneys, as we tend to believe we have the answers and we’re eager to give them. By refraining from the delivery of our logic—and instead remaining in a learning mode—we gain valuable information from them and they come away from the experience or communication with the perception that we care, and are therefore to be trusted. Moreover, when they find us credible and trustworthy, we have impassioned their willingness to cooperate, and they will be receptive to our logic, or our attempt at persuasion. In essence, we have prepared them to assist us in meeting our objectives.
It is also important to remember to step back from our relationships on a regular basis and seek to understand their perceptions of the situation. We do not have to agree with their interpretations, but we gain a lot of power by understanding how they might be viewing matters. This is especially important when tension enters the relationship, as this is when people are most likely to distort and construct the worst possible interpretations of the facts. Stepping into another’s shoes and seeking to understand from their perspective is an important form of empathy. We ask ourselves how they might see us, our client perhaps, and the situation. We might also consider how we want them to see us, our client, and the situation, and give them the information necessary to form those conclusions.
When they characterize us as uncaring, callous or simply too busy for them because we didn’t return their phone call, or give them undivided attention when they were talking to us, we lose their cooperation and our ability to influence. If we give them sufficient information to conclude that we care, we empower ourselves for greater success in gathering information, building relationships, and negotiating to get our needs met.
This article touches upon the in-depth course material offered in our Advanced Persuasion Series: The Power Of Perception. This interactive course is available live and offers insight into one of the most powerful elements of interaction both professionally and personally.
Parker and Edwards
Associate University Counsel, Temple University
Taylor Anderson LLP
Attorney
The Weiser Law Firm