From the desk of Brian Hammer, founder
Likeability Is Relative, But To What?
This cartoon depicts an actual event that happened to me! I was facilitating a CLE conference in Orlando, and 3 San Antonio Spurs basketball players and their coach were joking about our company name outside of the conference room I was using. I engaged these jokesters and we had a fun and spirited conversation, but the question remained: Is a likeable lawyer an oxymoron? Read More
From the Mouths of Babes
Earlier this evening, I found myself litigating with my five year old daughter, Avery. As pro se plaintiff, she painted herself as oppressed by an unjust system of parental hierarchy, and appealed for a bedtime extension. I had a distinct advantage as both opposing counsel and judge, yet she was effectively granted a thirty-minute extension. She won this battle because of her approach. As I write this, it has become obvious to me that she effectively persuaded me by expressing consideration not only for her own needs, but also for mine. Read More
Building Opportunities for Success
Malcolm Gladwell, writer for The New Yorker and author of Outliers, was interviewed
by Anderson Cooper on the secret to success.
In this short clip and throughout the book, Gladwell gives his perspective on the factors that
lead to success.
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Perception is Reality
In three words, the largely accepted social axiom (“perception is reality”) implies an extremely important social norm—that for the purpose of social relationships, humans take what they believe to be true and substitute it for the actual truth. In our desire to be in-the-know, we tend to fill in gaps where we are missing information.
This phenomenon results in a tendency to draw inferences and make assumptions about others—their beliefs, their character, and perhaps their work ethic. This perceptual tendency greatly affects our ability to persuade or meet our clients’ objectives Read the full article on our website.
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(continued from above)
Likeability Is Relative, But To What?
A common public sentiment about lawyers is that they are neither likeable nor trustworthy. According to a study recently shown to me by a state district judge, the general public considers lawyers to have a 34% trust rating. This places us slightly above auto mechanics, a group that weighs in at 33%. It humbles us generously to teachers, who come in at 80%. Yet lawyers who were surveyed believe that over 80% of lawyers are trustworthy. Why this disparity?
There are many reasons for this negative perception; almost all lawyers suffer the consequences of it at some point and are hampered in their ability to influence others and accomplish their objectives. As a whole, lawyers today are unable to rely on a positive professional image and a presumption of trust, though any individual lawyer can stand apart and enjoy the benefits of being considered likeable and trustworthy. By effecting a change in this perception where possible, we will experience profound and immediate benefits. It may be said that our success and happiness as lawyers depends on it.
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What can we do individually to overcome this public presumption of Untrustworthy? For starters, we can develop an awareness for how people perceive and then interpret reality, becoming aware of how we might be perceived by others. With this other-person perspective, we can then determine how we want to be perceived, and make simple communication and relational adjustments toward that end. This significantly enhances their perception of us, and sends us on the path from Untrustworthy to Credible and Influential.
Our courses and this newsletter will continue to offer guidance toward increasing our influence, success and fulfillment as lawyers. Thank you for reading.
PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE: Take a few minutes to consider a person you find trustworthy. What are the qualities and characteristics they demonstrate that lead you to this conclusion? Next, consider the people you want to find you to be trustworthy, and make a list of ways in which you can better communicate with them to ensure they come to the same conclusion about you.
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(continued from above)
From the Mouths of Babes
"Dad, this is the thing. Just a little more time and then straight to bed—we don't
even have to read books. And I'll put on my pajamas and brush my teeth, totally by myself.
This is my favorite television show and I really need to watch it .”
That was enough to get me to say "yes" to her request. Why? Because she perceived that
the pre-bedtime routine can be tedious for a work-tired parent, and she recognized and
appealed to my need to have a break and get some rest.
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Even at this young age, in an attempt to get their objectives met, insightful children
switch from self-focused responses like tantrums and pouting, to an "other-person" focus.
And it works. As parents we are often caught off guard. Recently, my wife and I were persuaded
to adopt a basset hound on assurance from the same 5 year-old that she would feed and walk the
puppy every day. Which reminds me, excuse me a moment while I go…feed and walk the puppy.
I imagine Avery is lying in bed now, contemplating the day's triumphs and failures, and
seeking out the necessary corrections and adjustments for implementation upon first light:
Parents. Hmmph. What is it that they WANT? What is going to motivate them
to say YES? If I can figure this out…well, then I have unlocked the key to the Kingdom,
and all the candy in the pantry will be mine. Mine I say, mine!
PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE: Consider a person you would like to persuade.
Contemplate and write out the situation from their perspective (take at least 5 minutes to do
so, going deeper than a surface interpretation. Challenge yourself to truly understand their needs,
objectives and concerns). Once you have a list of their objectives, needs and concerns, communicate
with them in ways that suggest that you have considered and care about their perspective and their
needs, and watch as automatic reciprocation occurs
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